Baby Loss - Help and Resources

If you've not seen my social media. Mike and I lost our baby, James, at 24 weeks gestation. Below I've listed some websites and books that have really helped in the nightmare of losing a child.

SANDS

SANDS - Is a stillbirth and neonatal death charity supporting parents during what can only be described as a nightmare. They offer a website, helpline, forums and so much more. I've met many bereaved parents on their forum and knowing that you're not alone and what your feeling is completely "normal" has been such a wonderful thing.

Mariposa Trust

Also known as Saying Goodbye, the Mariposa Trust is another charity helping those who have lost a child. They not only support couples through child loss, they run remembrance services, they're lobbying for the age of baby registration to be lowered (Our James was just 26 hours too early to be registered for his birth or death), and for a high standard of care to be given to all couples, as at the moment what kind of care you and your baby receive is a lottery.

The founder of the Mariposa trust, Zoe Clark-Coates, lost 5 babies and has written an amazing book called Saying Goodbye. The book is a 90 guide through baby loss. It's been an absolute life saver for me personally, it's as though reading my own diary with all the questions and worries answered with kindness and honesty.

Buy it here


ARC

Stands for Antenatal Results and Choices and they're a charity who support parents and healthcare professionals through antenatal screening and what the results mean for the child, parents and those caring for them.


Tommy's

Tommys is a research fund in the causes and consequences of baby loss; in miscarriage, stillbirth, during birth deaths and conditions that mean you have to end your babies life (like we had to with James due to CDH) plus their website also offers great advice to have a great pregnancy.


If you wish to view the vlog where I explain what happened to James watch below or click here.

If you wish to view the video where I explain and describe how to plan a babies funeral watch below or click here.

I hope some of this helps you. If you need a friend or more advice please e-mail me at Lynsey_Ellard@hotmail.com.

L x

I'm Pregnant!

If you've not seen my countless social media posts or YouTube videos... I'm pregnant! I'm now in week 16 and thankfully rid of the 1st Trimester. What with pain, sickness, fatigue... and that doesn't even include my long-term conditions, I've felt dreadful.

I now have the practicalities of pregnancy and a baby to contend with, how will my body copy as the baby grows (and grow it will, Mike is a big guy and the baby is already presenting 9 days bigger than it's actual conception date!) and as a disabled parent, I'm going to have to find ingenious and practical ways to ensure the safety of the baby and myself. But more on that in the coming months.

Below are my first two vlogs about Button (babies nickname) and me.

Button Update No1

This video is from the day we found out we were expecting.

If you can't see this video click here

Button Update No. 2

This video is my pain medication withdrawal diary - emotional and a hard watch but I wanted to be honest with my readers. 

If you can't see this video click here

Enjoy

L x

Halloween 2017

I appear to have lost the use of words in this vlog - I blame the lack of sleep, but I get the message across eventually! I talk prizes and Halloween featuring my nieces and nephews! Watch the video below if you can't see it click right here!

L xxx

Afternoon Tea at The Royal Hotel

On October 14th, I was invited to a Bloggers afternoon tea at the Royal Hotel in Southend (very handy since I live 10 minutes away!). I'm not sure you're meant to admit this but it was my very first blogger's event - and what a way to start!

In my twenties (read: drinking days) I avoided the Royal Hotel, it was an unsavoury drinking hole that had a lousy reputation. I always thought it was such a shame as it's an iconic 200+-year-old Southend landmark.

The Beautiful Royal Hotel *Although no 

longer a hotel*

Fast-forward to 2015, when brothers Matthew and David along with their father Terry renovated and saved the building from wreck and ruin, into a glorious restaurant and bar - something Southenders could be proud of.

Upon arrival, we were presented with a glass of non-alcoholic Prosecco called the Bee's Knees which was refreshing and tasty, perfect for baby showers and younger customers who want to feel grown up.

Director/Owner Matthew came to greet us and escorted me to the first-floor ballroom. Unfortunately, the venue isn't wheelchair accessible as it's a Grand II listed building, but all the staff were extremely helpful and supportive in getting myself and my chair around so that I didn't miss out.

The ballroom was exquisite, with the original 1791 floor, ornate coving and chandeliers. Standing in such a grand hall you can imagine how it was THE place to party and dine. Former guests of the Royal Hotel include Princess Caroline, wife of George IV and Lady Hamilton held a final ball for her lover Admiral Horatio Nelson in 1805, just a few months before the Battle of Trafalgar and now Lynsey Garrick lol!

The Royal Ballroom

Afternoon Tea was an absolute treat, we were lucky to sample the Royal Hotel Afternoon tea with delicate sandwiches, a selection of beautiful cakes, macaroons and scones with Tiptree jam. Plus we tried the Gentleman's Royal tea which featured chunky sandwiches, burgers, sausages, cheeses, olives and crackers.

 

The Royal Afternoon Tea and The Gentleman's Tea

Although both were delicious,  I personally preferred the Gentleman's selection which you can also add a Dalimore Whisky tray, sampling various aged products. With both booking's you can have tea, coffee or for a special event, prosecco.

After tea, The Royal Hotel staff hand more treats in store for us. We were escorted by Matthew, whose background is in event organising for venues such as the Tower of London and the Natural History Museum, to meet his brother David a trained flare barman who was head Bar Trainer at the London Cocktail Club.

 

Dr Legba's Emporium and Menu

Tucked away in the venue basement, is the wonderful Dr Legba's Emporium, an Emerald Green tavern, carefully lit, with a reclaimed wooden bar, covered in 2p's (over £170 worth!), quirky lamps and artwork, in addition to intimate tables and seating nooks perfect for a date night or a small celebratory event.

David expertly made us a selection of Royal Hotel cocktails. The menus are regularly rotated and the team are continually testing and trialling new and exclusive recipes.

Every drink was completely out of this world, I could easily spend a whole day trying them all. Each cocktail was distinctive playing on the origin recipes. For example, in David's Espresso Martini he adds salted caramel syrup adding a warming twist to this classic. 

Espresso Martini

I fell in love with the eccentric Absinth fountain, with its four funnels drip pouring the potent liquor into sugar cubes, for a heady aniseed cocktail. The piece de resistance of the afternoon was the "Pork and Apple" a blend of Sour apple liqueur, Absolut vodka, pressed apple juice, fresh lime all stirred with a slice of absinthe caramelised bacon, which is set alight - this cocktail was so scrumptious and the sweet, salty, smoky bacon was a distinctive little treat!

 

Absithe Fountain and The Pork and Apple cocktail

Matthew and David were wonderful hosts, the hotel staff were friendly and sweet, all the food and drinks were knowledgeably handpicked for an elite experience but without customers feeling out of place. The Royal Hotel is a special venue and I highly recommend it for lunches, nights out, afternoon teas or even a Sunday roast, it's a place where every meal feels like a luxurious treat.

View from The Royal Hotel

For more information and to see menu's click here!

L xxx

Head in the Sand

As a woman in my 30's, who completed her schooling, college and got accepted into University (albeit the fact I didn't go due to health!) I consider myself to be a fairly intelligent person with a healthy dose of common sense to boot, but I have a somewhat childish habit.

I ignore the news. My head is firmly in the sand, my fingers are in my ears whilst I sing whatever current song I have merry-go-rounding in my head at the time.

I used to want to be clued up and ready for any current affairs conversation, but these days I just don't want to know. When I confessed this in a forum, I was berated for being sheltered and nieve, that maybe the case, but don't you ever feel there is so much going on, the majority of it truly awful, that you simply don't want to fill your head with all the terror and sadness?

Don't get me wrong, I know the basics; I know Donald Trump is proving himself to be the idiot we all knew he would be, and that this has caused issues with the rest of the world, namely Russia. I know that the UK election is looming, and I also have no idea who I'll vote for this time. But I just cannot bare to be bombarded constantly with negative and sensationalised events and people.

Does this make me uninformed and stupid? I don't think so. When I say I ignore the news, I ignore it as best I can, but I'm a prolific social media user and big stories are unavoidable in retweets and shares, so I'm aware when something truly awful has happened, like the Westminster terror attack in London earlier this year, but once I know the general story I don't want to keep going over it.

I'm an emotional girl, NSPCC commercials and every single birth on One Born Every Minute leave me in floods of tears, I take on a lot to heart and I can not/don't want to fill my brain with all the ugly in the world. I already struggle with the thought that I'll be bringing my children into a cruel and confusing world, but I chose to concentrate on the good, the hopeful and the happy and if that does mean I'm sheltered and nieve then so be it.

I'm a Disney feminist

I've seen the live-action Beauty and the Beast 3 times.....so far! It's wonderful, I was worried I'd be expecting Emma Watson to whip out her wand at any moment, but I think she played Belle superbly, the whole cast was brilliant, even casting Ewan McGregor, a Scot, to play the exquisitely French Lumière was a win!

Beauty and The Beast

There has been the inevitable backlash against the film. Firstly due to the gay characters - what poppycock! Do people really think Gay people didn't exist in 18th century France? Half the European royalty had both men and woman keeping their plush beds warm.

The second backlash came because Disney princesses are seen as anti-feminist. Yes, there is usually a handsome Prince involved but the Princesses, especially the newer additions, have been kick-arse diva's, fighting for their cause, their loved ones and their towns.

As a child, my favourite Disney Princess was Airel, a beautiful gutsy redhead (why do you think I have the red hair I have today?). Yes, she fell in love with Eric but that girl had some balls; going to Ursella having her voice taken, risking her father's kingdom, then going to an unknown land alone. I get scared going to Sainsbury's on my own - but as a child, Ariel inspired me, she had courage, and spirit and I tried to convince myself that since my legs didn't work that well, I was obviously a mermaid and the leg-spell had gone wrong.

Ariel

There are various campaigns to ban pink, barbies and gender specific clothing, but why can't we have pink, blue, yellow, green, black and all the colours in between? I agree that Barbie's figure is an unattainable and unrealistic one that could be adapted to a more average woman, but as a girl, I never once looked at her waist, I spent all my time looking at her wardrobe and using my garden as an obstacle course. I didn't have a Ken doll, I borrowed my brothers Action Men and Barbie whooped ass in the Ferrari and Tank. I am all for gender fluidity and I'm a full supporter of LGBT rights/campaigns and yet I still love all things girlie and pink.

I am a feminist. I am a cheerleader for all the woman and men in my life, I teach my Nieces and Nephews about being strong, being who they are and doing what they want to do. My niece Abi is the perfect example of a girlie Feminist. She'll dress in "boy" clothing, teamed with a tutu and a crown, she's the first one diving into a muddy puddle, attempting the biggest climbing frame in the park, all whilst donning Frozen wellies. She is strong, but loves a cuddle, has her eye on a boy already, but doesn't put up with any crap from anyone.

If you haven't already, take your children to see Beauty and the Beast. Belle is feisty and gives as good as she get's, telling The Beast where to go when he's being an idiot, she's courageous taking her father's place as a prisoner and rocks some stunning gowns whilst riding horses - and not side saddle either!

Margo, Edith, and Agnes

Disney films are meant to be an escape from the real world, each of the Princesses reflects society at the time of their release. Cartoons now have characters like Elsa, Merida, Margo, Edith, and Agnes and there are rumours that Elsa will fall in love with a girl (Shock horror!) in the next Frozen film, because we are turning into a more tolerant world, which celebrates differences, and if you aren't going to watch a Disney film because of that, you are missing out and not just at the cinema.

Until next week.
L x

Attack of the Bridezilla

After last week's announcement, that we had booked our wedding, we've had an overall wonderful response and have managed to book the majority of the companies/people we need for the day. I just have to find a makeup/hair artist and transport, plus even the hen do preparations have started - and who knew that would be more complicated that the wedding day itself lol!

After years of being a bridesmaid or guest at 3 dozen weddings, I've taken note from all the couples; the do's and don'ts of the day according to those who's been there, done it and come out thousands of pounds lighter the other side.

Much to our surprise, luck and gratitude, the wedding planning has come along beautifully and easily. I'm very much expecting something to have gone wrong or that I've forgotten something crucial, yet I have still found myself getting in a bit of a huff, the Bridezilla in me, rearing its ugly head.

Bridezilla gonna get ya!

Why are there no nice brown invite envelopes on Amazon Prime? Why did I eat that cake/prosecco/chocolate when I know full well that I have a wedding dress to squeeze into by July? Why don't I know what the weather will be like on the day? Is it crass and cheeky to ask for cash as a wedding gift? These are all very much, 1st world problems and mostly ridiculous thoughts but they've still kept me up at night, I don't sleep enough as it is!

Stupid brain, I didn't think I'd be so twitchy about the whole thing, I am someone who would have happily never married Mike, skipped that step and got straight onto having babies, but now it's happening, I want it to be a great day that people enjoy. I want them to be well fed, dance until they drop and drink lots so I'm not they only numpty throwing ridiculous moves on the dance floor; why oh why can't I control all my guests' free will and emotions damn it!

I am well aware that I sound like a self-indulgent brat, but I'm giddy with excitement. Over the years I've seen countless social media posts about other weddings; Brides panicking, Meme's telling brides to shut the hell up, so I've tried not to bang on about the wedding too much in person either.

I don't want to be "that friend", the one who manages to bring every conversation back to the wedding day, the one who complains when she can't find the right envelopes, the one who preaches at other brides to be about what they should or shouldn't be doing!

What a minefield weddings are! I'm enjoying the process more than I was at the beginning, despite the idiot thoughts running around my tiny brain. So I now pledge, in hopes that I don't drive my readers mental too, to limit myself to only one wedding vlog or blog a month.

So, now I've got to find 15 non-wedding related subjects between now at the day.... damn it again!
L xxx

In case you didn't see last weeks vlog watch below. If you can't see the video click here and please subscribe!

Accessible Romance

When you're planning a wedding, and you're a disabled Bride, it's not just guest lists, chair covers and DJ's you need to think about! Today I talk about accessible romance! If you can't see the video click here!

Please subscribe to my channel, Youtube have changed their rules and I can't get my personalised URL without a certain amount of subscribers.

If you're in Essex and have any wedding related businesses or recommendations, please get in touch; Lynsey_Ellard@hotmail.com, all vendors used in our wedding will get a full write up in my blogs and all social medias.

Until Next Wednesday!

L xxx

P.S In case you didn't see my last blog, I wrote about disability discount, click here to read all about it, who doesn't want to save some extra pennies? 

Transport Tantrum

Its Vlog week! This week I'm chatting about trains.... no I'm not a spotter but I'm increasingly frustrated and annoyed by public transport in the UK... so I made a video about it!

Please comment, like, share if you think this is something that needs addressing! Watch the video below or if you can't see the video click here!!

Until next Wednesday!
L xxx

Get a Hobby!

One of my new year's resolutions was to read a book a month, (I'm reading Billy and Me by Giovanna Fletcher this month) but a friend pointed out that reading is a hobby rather than a resolution so maybe I should have said "To maintain and learn new hobbies" instead.

The word hobby is largely associated with elderly people and a box to fill in on a dating site profile. After talking to a few friends, there is a distinct lack of people with hobbies. Granted many people have very little spare time or would rather be in front of the telly, but I can assure you a hobby can be a wonderful and fulfilling addition to your life.

My current hobbies are cooking/baking, although at the moment these are limited to Slimming World recipes, which is fun, but no giant chocolate cakes and all day cooked briskets for now!  But I'm enjoying experimenting with healthy foods. Last year I went to two cookery classes to make pork pies and macaroons and had so much fun despite being nervous I would struggle, to read my review of The Delightful Tea Bake School click here!

Proud of my Pork Pies

Blogging and vlogging are a hobby; save some of the really famous social media stars, it's not worth opening a blog or channel for money, although I have ads on both the payments are in pennies a month, but I do it for the love of writing. Being too ill (and therefore too unreliable for a full-time job) scuppered my plans to be a journalist, so this, to me, is the next best thing!

If you follow my Instagram you would have seen some unusual crafts appear on my feed. I love doing crafts with my Nieces and Nephews, so I sift through Pinterest for idea's that will entertain 2-12year olds, without destroying Nanny's kitchen! I feel I need to start making time to do crafts for myself, I made our door wreath for Christmas last year and loved it.

Crafts, not just for kids

Since I spend less and less time sleeping these days and more time at home due to the pain, I need a few more hobbies to keep my brain going, even if my body is falling apart. A few months ago I won a huge amount of wool and knitting books - I can't knit, but that's what youtube is for and I'll learn, also other people with CRPS have said it's great for those long nights alone when brain power is scarce!

So, do you have a hobby? Do you think it's a little sad to have hobbies? Or do you have some hobbies to suggest for me to try? Let me know!

Until Next Wednesday...

L xxx

P.S Here's last weeks vlog if you missed it! (If you can't see the video click here!)

Christmas Legends

Sometimes Christmas feels like a full-time job and when you're medically declared unfit for work, you understand why you've been labelled that way.

As I have mentioned countless times I adore Christmas, the music, the food, the decorations, the gatherings, time with all my loved ones, the games and the TV Christmas specials (Hello! Call the Midwife!) but it's tiring!

This week has been utterly mental, I am meeting people for all three meals of the day - Slimming World hell - but only a 1lb gain this December....so far!. There is a mental list running through my head 24/7 and the ridiculous thing is; my Father in law will be cooking Christmas day dinner, due to lack of funds, we've only bought gifts for our 4 Nieces and 2 Nephews and all the meet and greets I've been going to, have been away from our house (i.e no clean up for me!) and yet I'm still panicking and exhausted. (I'm aware of my first world problem!)

So this blog is dedicated to all the parents buying for all their kids, families, kids friends, teachers, scout and brownie leaders, bosses, workmates, Secret Santa's and Neighbours. To all the shop's co-ordinating mountains of Christmas gifts, irate customers and fatigued staff. To all the charities struggling to provide for all those in their service with a dire lack of funds - I salute you all in this beautifully insane festive period, keep going, there are only a few days left and lets face it, we'll all miss it when there are 365 days to go until the next Christmas day.

Merry Christmas readers/watchers!

Until next Wednesday!
L xxx

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If you didn't see it last week here is last weeks vlog (If you can't see the video, click here!)

Making a list!

It's Wednesday! It's also vlog week... so here's a video about cheering yourself up when the festive cheer is avoiding you!

Don't forget to subscribe to my youtube channel!

Until Next Wednesday!
L xxx

Giving as good as we're given!

It's December, which means I can actually talk about Christmas without being told off on Twitter!

Any long term readers will know; I'm a Christmas-acholic - it's my favourite time of year, in fact, one year, I had to wake up my small Nieces and Nephews on Christmas morning as they weren't up early up enough for my liking!

Me casually mocking my Nephew

To me, it's not just about family time, Christmas music on loop (much to Mike's dismay!), and endless supplies of mince pies and eggnog - to me Christmas is a special time of year, where people become charitable and giving, almost selfless. Yes, we should be caring all year around, but I'm just glad that most do their bit for one month of the year.

Since buying our new house, Mike hasn't really worked (due to the oil industry crashing - he is anything but lazy!) so money has been tight, tighter than ever in the 10 years we've been together - it's been hard but we've been sensible and finally my love of coupons and creative cooking has been utilised!

In the past, I've been called a charity whore, I love a good fundraiser, I always religiously watch Children in need and Red Nose day. Mike has to brace himself on both event days as our bank accounts get a beating, usually with each emotive VT they show. But this year, Mike asked if I would forgo my usual sob fest and not donate to charity this Christmas or at least tone it down - and although I was horrified, I knew he was right, but it still made me sad.

After my sulk, I did begin to wonder, how much have I given to charity over the years? It's probably best there is no tally, as I probably could have bought a new car by now, so maybe a year off isn't so selfish, but then there was a knock at the door.

My friend Chole turned up with a suitcase, not going into too much detail, she needed a bit of company and TLC and she's still with us 4 days later and although our bigger house has given us a bigger mortgage (read: Money worries) it's also given us the space to take in those in need - my own sneaky way of still giving even when things are tight and tough - screw you oil industry!

Not being one to sit still, Mike has opened up a small art company called Bored Monkey UK (we're taking orders!), he makes art carvings, graphic design work and takes commissions.

One of Mikes pieces (Click here to buy)

Thankfully our friends have shared his work and got us more commissions so that we're not desperate, some may see that as sympathetic charity from those who feel sorry for us - I see it as all the kindness I've given, over the years, coming back to help us and I couldn't be more grateful to our loved ones.

So after my shock and horror at a lean Christmas, I'm still giving and receiving so much more than a box of chocolates or Boots gift set - doesn't that make you warm and gooey inside? It does for me!

Until next Wednesday!
L x

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Last weeks vlog - Slimming World!

Rome Part Two

If you missed any parts to this continuous blog please click the links just below.

2015 European Road Trip Part 1
2015 European Road Trip Part 2
2015 European Road Trip Part 3

The second day of our Rome visit, was the day I was most excited about (apart from the wedding!!). To come to Rome was a lifelong dream after being obsessed with the Roman Empire as a child, but visiting the ruins and the Colosseum was a real bucket list moment for me.

We arrived at the Colosseum for opening time and there was already about 150 tourists in front of us. Not wanting to just assume we'd be able to queue jump because of my wheelchair, we joined the line, only to be ushered to the front where the ticket office issued us with two free two day passes to the Colosseum, Forum and Palatine.

Walking through the corridors out into the main arena I had Goosebumps, I always knew the place was huge but until you're inside you cannot fully appreciate the magnitude of the building. Knowing its history and the "games" that commenced there, I can't begin to imagine the terror of the competitors made up of slaves and petty criminals.

Inside the Colosseum

Despite its bloody past, the Colosseum was beautiful in its crumbling state and I was overwhelmed by being there finally to witness this magnificent place for myself.

We decided to peruse the onsite museum, which held some beautiful art works from Rome and Pompeii (another bucket list designation for another time) and being a complete tourist I bought a beautiful book on Ancient Rome.

It's was a blistering hot day, well into the 30's and at almost 70% humidity, but Mike braved the heat and the Seven Roman hills to take me into the Palatine Hill ruins. After about 20 minutes, Mike was exhausted and apologising that we'd have to go, although I was sad to have to leave, it was not worth Mikes health, but at that moment, an electric golf buggy turned up beside us. Two of the onsite staff had spotted our struggle and offered us a ride to the top of the hill to see the Palatine to its fullest. I was so chuffed, Mike was grateful and relieved!

The Palatine was amazing, especially the stadium and gardens within, with arches, three story homes and business buildings, all built with such precision and skill,  I don't think we can truly appreciate the genius of the Romans, the same goes for the Forum; the man power needed to erect and stabilise such huge monuments and buildings is mind blowing!

The Stadium in the Palatine

The Forum

At about 3pm, as we were leaving the site, a thunderstorm started with a lightning bolt striking near the Colosseum, so we hot footed it back to our hotel and within seconds the heavens opened for a couple of hours - thankfully lifting some of the humidity.

For dinner we went to a place called La Matriciana which was established in 1870 and we had the most scrumptious meal of the whole trip; fresh baked breads, tasty cured meats cut at our tableside, the freshest Mozzerella, the best Ragu I've ever eaten and the most mouth watering desserts, all washed down with Martini cocktails and local beers - a delightful end to our time in Rome - next stop Tuscany!

L x

Insomnia - I can't get no sleep!

To state the obvious, pain is bad, very bad! I’m in a lot of bad pain but more than the pain it’s the lack of sleep that blights my being!

Insomnia – “I can’t get no sleep!”

At its worse I’m surviving on 90mins of kip a night. I take sleeping pills, but the pain in my legs wakes me up, so I spend most nights in a pattern of dropping off, spasming, drifting off, spasming again followed by several hours of nerve pain. So, I’ve given up on the sleeping pills, if I’m going to be up for 20hrs a day, I might as well make myself useful rather than sulking and sobbing into my pillow!

I don’t have a secret to cure insomnia, although I’m considering having a D.I.Y above knee amputation... but here is my little guide to surviving the long nights.

Don’t fight it!

I see no point in lying in bed, clock watching and cursing the sunrise. If you make it to 4am with no success - get up, not necessarily out of bed, but do something! Mike’s been away 6 week and where he would normally lay is my night time survival kit....

My survival kit

Read

As you can see, I keep myself busy.... I’m a prolific reader, so there are always magazines and books dotted around the flat. I’m currently reading Nothing Changes Until You Do: A Guide to Self-Compassion and Getting Out of Your Own Way by Robbins, Mike (2014) Paperback (yes it’s a self help book, yes I need all the help I can get!). I'm also reading You're the One That I Want by Giovanna Fletcher too. I will say that you might be better off sticking to magazines for short articles and features as the trouble with a good fictional read is that you’re forever telling yourself “Just one more chapter....”

Beautify

3am is a dull time of day, unless you’re out at all night party, so it's a perfect time to do those dull beauty tasks! I use my time taming my mono brow, nails and taking a cheese grater to my foot. Monotonous tasks make for a monotonous brain... i.e. hopefully boring you to sleep!

I also keep creams, lotions, lip balms and overnight hair conditioners close by, I might as well pamper myself in my hour(s) of need and face wipes are must pain = hot, sticky clammy face and arms which drive me nuts!

Entertainment

Thank god for Netflix, BuzzFeed, Youtube and Huffingtonpost! On my tablet and mobile I have all four. We don’t have a TV in our bedroom but I’m more likely to fall asleep with my tablet balanced on the pillow next to me as I’m comfier on my side. I know “experts” will say to avoid all technology in bed, but those experts haven’t been distracted by puppy videos or cried them selves to sleep (hey sleep is sleep) watching The Notebook and Fault in the Stars!

Clear out your brain

I’m a writer so there’s always a note pad close by, all my idea’s, thoughts, and ramblings are better on paper than clogging up my drug filled insomniac brain. If nothing else, due to the severe lack of sleep I write to do, to take, to text, to remind, to watch and to buy lists and I even have to do lists informing me of to do lists I need to check – it’s a skill!

Medication 

....in my case, and not in many others, I need medication, a lot it too. I always keep them nearby and lots of water!

Monotony can be key

As I mentioned before, boredom can cause sleep. One of my good friends suffers with neuralgia and plays mind sweep whilst waiting for her pain medication to kick in. I’m personally currently addicted to Theme Hospital,  for young people it’s a very old cheesy game set, funny enough, in a hospital. You’d think I’d be sick of hospitals after my years of treatment but maybe that’s why I like it.

Indulge in guilty pleasures

I have many guilty pleasures, except I never feel very guilty about them. At 4am, I don’t have the brain power to follow an episode of Game of Thrones, instead I indulge in 16 and Pregnant. Teens not using protection, angry parents, girls believe the guys will change/grow up/man up (they never do!) girl loves baby, but always says in the end that they wished they’d waited and hadn’t realised it would be so hard! 5 seasons later you’d think they’d learn but it’s very addictive viewing!

On bad nights I’ll also indulge in copious warm milk, Oreo cookies and lately, strawberries, being up alone all night is not fun – food makes me happy!

Talk

The beauty of the internet is A. There will be other Insomniacs sat considering introducing their heads to a brick wall and B. The world has many time zones, even if your country is asleep many others will be awake, so make some international friends and you’ll never be lonely.... or in my case get engaged to a Geologist who spends half of his year in America!

So this is how I survive the long nights. No one can underestimate the effects of never getting a decent night’s sleep, my work, social life; concentration and sanity are regularly in jeopardy due to insomnia but I do what I have to do to keep myself going how about you?

Lastly...

I bought a Spoonie Survival Kit from a little store on Etsy. It won’t cure any pain or insomnia but it’s adorable. It includes:

• Pink fluffy socks
• A tea bag
• Marbles for when I’ve lost mine
• Lip balm and nail varnish for pampering
• String to “Hold it together”
• A silver spoon (to read about the Spoonie movement click here!)
• A pen to write down my feelings 
• a dice for luck.

A sweet gift if you know someone who’s suffering or in need of a little boost. You can buy them here!

Sleep tight

L xxx

Letter to my 40 Year Old Self

Hello!

Me again! I've had lots going on as usual! My Sister Nicola and her partner Dan, became first time parents, giving me my second nephew! Baby Alex was born on June 7th at 2:27pm weighing a very healthy 7lb 10oz. I am completely besotted with him and I now have 2 Nephews and 5 Nieces, with two siblings and I, still yet to have our own children!

Alex 07/06/2014

Mike’s been away as usual, I haven’t seen him for three weeks but he’s home in three days time!  He’ll be in the UK a grand total of 24hrs because we’re off to France for two weeks with his family, which includes 3 days at Disneyland!! I can guarantee I’ll be more excited than our 3 and 1yr old Nieces!

I still have to catch you all up on Australia but I thought I’d take a break from that to follow up on a project I gave myself last year.

Last week, I turned 30. I’ve been utterly spoilt as usual; My Mum and sister made me a homemade Afternoon Tea which was so lovely! Friends turned up to take me to breakfast, lunches, cocktails, dinners and yet more Afternoon Teas. I received tons of cards, gifts, text’s, calls and had a lot of love on social media – Thank you to you all – I’ve felt very special indeed.

On my 29th Birthday, as some of you may remember, I wrote A Letter to My Teenage Self (click here!) This became one of my most popular blog posts ever. I had friends and family do the same and I’ve had their work stowed away until now.

Turning 30 is seen as a milestone. I’ve been regularly asked how I felt  about changing decades. Getting older doesn’t bother me, (but is that because I’m still very young?)  but I do looked back over my 20’s and wished I’d taken a few more risks and ticked more things off my bucket list.

So, today I’m presenting you guys with my letter to my 40 year old self.

All those that sent me their teen letters, could you now write to your future selves for me please? If you’re a new reader have a look over both of my letters and if you want to get involved please do, I’ll be launching a competition around the entries!

Letter to My 40 Year Old

Dear Lynsey,

Wow, 40. I remember our Mum turning 40. She looked so young, in fact now she’s 50, she still looks like a woman in her 30’s. Since I’ve just turned 30, I’m praying I’ve inherited her youthful genes.

I’m hoping Mike would have proposed by 2024. If he hasn’t, did you have the gumption to just start booking venues, florists and buying your wedding dress? Then, only letting Mike in on the plans when he receives a save the date cards like all the guests? Bless him, the pressure The Boy must be feeling after 8 years is crazy, but I keep telling him to chill out and do it how he wants to do it, taking no notice of friends or YouTube proposals!!

I do hope I’ve gotten over my fear of having children by 40. I’m currently in a limbo where I should probably make the most of my younger body and pop out one or two nippers, but seeing how hard it’s been for friends and family, has had me running to the chemist within 24hrs of a late period.

This must sound completely juvenile to you now? I hope my keeping the breaks firmly locked in, that I haven’t caused us the heart break and stress of IVF or Adoption. I know we’ll make a great Mum, but I’m just not ready to give up my selfish lifestyle just yet!

I’m hoping that Complex Regional Pain Syndrome hasn’t lost you a limb by now and I’m anticipating a cure by 2024, I do wonder what life would be like without constant pain, although I’d rather there was a cure for cancer first, I long to see that in our lifetime. 

When we were 19, we seriously lacked in confidence. At 30, we still do, we’re just so much better at faking it! I do hope that confidence grows to be real and without an ego or vanity. 

By now I’ve linked the lack of fearlessness to the lack of work you commit to or produce. Every article we post or email we send to our editors, is sent with eyes close, and body poised like waiting for a bomb to go off, I hope in the future we’ve grown a back bone and some giant balls!

At the moment I’m waiting to hear when we’ll be moving to America with Mike’s work. I’m currently mood swinging between excited, terrified, curious and anxious. How do I say Bye to everyone without balling my eyes out? I know Denver’s only a plane ride away, but not seeing Mum 5 times a week is going to be so hard, this only being made harder by our nieces and nephews. Alex has just been born, I want to hug him every day. He’ll be 10 whilst you’re reading this – I cannot even begin to imagine him being anything other than a new born baby.

With all this in mind, I do actually think American will be great fun; in fact I’m apprehensive that we’ll like it too much and won’t want to come home, but by now we know we have to go where Mike’s work takes us and he’ll look after us no matter where we are. 

I hope I 30’s are full of love, laughter and plenty of luck. I’ll try my hardest to be the courageous woman we want to be, and I hope we make the most of every day. Try not to get "too" middle aged, one of the things I like about us is how easily excited we get about the smallest things, don't lose that enthusiasm for life. Continue to enjoy Comic movies, why should they just been for teenage boys? Carry on making your friend pose for the pre night out photo in all your future kitchens and please learn to not worry so much, I fear one day that worry will break us. 

Keep smiling; keep optimistic and I’ll see you in 10 years!

Love

Lynsey x

Cheers old Girl!

Yay for the Gay!

Today, March 29th 2014, Gay people are finally given the right to same sex marriage in the UK! None of this civil partnership stuff, we're talking; a full wedding in a church, with a vicar and religious vows marriage – finally!!

I’m thankful that the UK is one of the most accepting and liberal countries in the world, but there is still a lot of judgement, prejudice and sometimes hatred towards homosexual people – It.drives.me.crazy!

One of my most favourite people in the world is my cousin, I knew he was gay from the moment I understood what “being gay” was, as did our entire family, but he didn’t officially come out until his late twenties and living with his then boyfriend.

I have said to him since, that it drove a small but significant wedge between us for a while, to which he replied that, despite our closeness he was scared his paternal and maternal families would reject him – even in the 21st Century. I was surprised, but not shocked, especially after seeing a statistic that; a fifth of all people in the UK wouldn't attend a gay wedding. 

With the big hit of the First Kiss film, on Youtube, a new clip has been uploaded.

Homophobic people were asked to hug gay people. It’s incredibly interesting to watch as there are conversations like “How do you kiss another Guy?” Answer: “The same was you kiss a girl!” and statements such as “You’re so pretty to be gay”. They're gay, not aliens.

Watch below.

At a baby shower I went to recently, my friend’s Mother-in-law and I were chatting about everything from weddings, babies, TV, Movies, Food and the subject of homosexuality. Although I didn’t expect her to be quite as blunt, she hit the nail on the head; “The only difference between being gay or straight is how many genitals are in the bedroom".

Last week, there was a programme aired called Cure Me I’m Gay. In the show, celebrity Doctor Christian Jessen, who is openly gay, tried all manner of weird and disgusting “cures” for his sexuality. From self help books, therapy and a disgraceful treatment where he was basically poisoned whilst looking at sexual photos and a tape playing messages that say “Being Gay in wrong” and “It’s unnatural” playing in the room. This treatment was available on the NHS until the 1980’s and it left Dr. Jessen in tears and humiliated.

Dr. Christian Jessen
(Borrowed from DailyMail.co.uk)

In another ridiculous treatment, Dr. Christian was asked to colour in a picture of his brain, the colours apparently showed how gay he was and in the subsequent following sessions, his colour preferences would turn to “straight colours”.

After watching the documentary I had a text conversation with my above mentioned cousin, which went like this:

Me: Did you watch the Cure Me I’m Gay documentary?

Cousin: No, why? Any good?

Me: Well, apparently we can cure your gay-ness by getting you to do some colouring in!

Cousin: I’ll get my felt tips ready!

......24 hours later

Me: Have you done your colouring it yet? Are you straight now?

Cousin: I’m about as straight as a circle!!

...and I wouldn’t have him or any of my gay friends and family, any other way!

L x