I'm not ill for kicks!

I’m having a rough day. I know that I have to rest in hopes of a better day tomorrow, but weirdly I find it hard to do that. Although my day’s at the moment consist of writing, comping (entering competitions) seeing friends and housework, on day’s like today I have to stay on the sofa, TV on and do nothing.

I feel guilty for doing this. Helping family and friends with admin tasks and researching pieces for them on Google makes me feel useful. This is, I’ve found, a common feeling amongst disabled/ill people who are on benefits, those who are genuine cases, feel terrible not feeling well enough to do the most mundane tasks. I feel like that today.

Mike is at my mum’s house doing DIY for her and the two things on my list of things to do were 1. Get up 2. Go to Sainsbury’s. I managed one those and since I’m sat on my sofa, Jeremy Kyle on in the background (for amusement) you know which one that is.

I'm not ill for kicks!!

Tonight I was meant go to my friend Jo’s house for a girls night in and a Chinese but since I’m feeling so rough and Jo lives in a first floor flat with no lifts, I can’t go.

I’m not writing this piece for sympathy. But I wanted to write this blog to open people’s minds to illness and disability and that just because we may not look ill put simply: we are suffering.

Yesterday was a good day I felt quite well I went out on my mobility scooter, I had put on make-up, made sure I’d straightened my hair and wore nice clothes. I had two reactions the first was a man came up to me and asked if I had stolen my grandmothers scooters “for kicks” and the second was an elderly couple came to tell me that it was such a shame I was a pretty girl. The couple had meant to be sweet but I didn’t really feel that great after either throw away comment, especially after being accused of theft!

So today I’m struggling with HAVEING to rest, I don’t want to be sat here with Jeremy Kyle for company but I HAVE to not want to, it’s not a choice.

As I said in the beginning I’m hoping for better day tomorrow or at least in two day’s time as I have Halloween drinks and Afternoon tea on Saturday!

Wish me luck!

L x