Who knew?

You’re a nosy lot aren’t you? The last post on my love life and dating became one of my most read blogs, I had over 400 readers in two days. Not only were all of you interested; I had a radio interview with BBC Essex, an interview with the Essex Enquirer Newspaper and my local paper, The Evening Echo, asked me to write a piece on dating for them too! Who knew that little old me and my very simple love life would be so interesting?

I’ve been quite proud of myself for dealing with the attention. As I’ve mentioned in my last few posts I’ve been knock sideways by my pain and my medication, I’m doing a lot better these days. I have suffered with panic attacks, and mild depression and once you’re in that state of mind it’s so hard to get out of it. I’ve been scared to answer my phone, scared to talk to check-out staff and my nerves even raised their ugly head when meeting up with friends – people I’ve known for 15 years made/make me nervous – crazy I know.

A lot of people have said that I’ve temporarily lost my sparkle – it’s hard to hear that. I’ve always prided myself on being a fighter or at least able to cope with most things and yet here I am feeling the lowest I have done in almost 15 years, but I’m trying my hardest to get back to myself, get my mojo back and move on! I don’t often ask for help but if any of you could give me a kick up the butt please do – be as harsh as you like, and as blunt as you feel, I need you all to be my cheerleaders!!

As well as being my cheerleaders I need to pick all your brains, as you well know I’ve been looking to fundraise for Motivation; but do you know what? I can’t think of a bloomin’ thing that I can be sponsored to do!??! Mike’s organising a sponsored walk, friends are chipping in with 10k runs and quiz evenings but I’d like to do something I can do myself, so any ideas would be very welcome indeed!!!

I do have some very wonderful news to share though. On January 27^th I became an Auntie again! Mike’s sister, Emma and her husband Andrew, welcomed a very healthy 9lb 4oz little girl called Abigail – with a dark mop of hair, the most gorgeous chubby cheeks and a ravenous appetite she is nothing like her big proud sister Beth!

Big Beth and Baby Abigail

So I look forward to receiving butt kicking e-mails and your thought inspiring ideas, will write again soon!

L x

Disability and Dating

Happy New Year to you all! Sorry I’ve been a little quiet lately, I’m still struggling with the side effects of my medications; leaving me sore, anxious and a bit low, but I’m powering through, steaming ahead and slowly getting back to my normal chirpy self!

Anyway...

Tomorrow evening (Tuesday 8th on Channel4 at 9pm) the much loved series Undateables returns following 6 mentally or physically disabled people looking for love. I adored last season of the show and I feel it highlights that disabled people want and have loving relationships just like everyone else.

I have a special interest in the show as my old school buddy Gareth is featured this year on his quest to find a soul mate.

I feel very luck that my dating history has been fairly simple without too much drama. I had no interest in boys until I went to college at 16, when I started dating a guy called Pete. He became my first love but other people’s views of our relationship were very odd. Many thought that I was lucky someone was and could be in love with me, giving Pete pats on the back for being a hero.

In my eyes we were sweethearts and he was just as lucky to have me as I was to have him; dare I say it?..... We were equals!

When Pete and I broke up, after 4 years together, my confidence took a blow (as would most after a long term relationship) and I started to believe that no one would “put up with me” or be able to live with my disability.

After 18 months of countless girls nights out I became sick of people trying to get my number for a dare or asking me if everything below the waist still worked – cheeky buggers! I tell no lies - one guy came up to me and said that he’s buy me a drink if I’d go home with him as he’d never slept a cripple!

One of my friends thought that as I was such a geek, meeting a guy on the internet would be perfect (I’d met my ex this way too) so she put my ad up on a singles website called Love@Lycos. 

I was very chuffed when I received a lot of messages from potential men and then horrified when I had messages like “I like a girl who can’t run away” and “I bet you’d be a really grateful girlfriend in your position!” or “Don’t you have dating website’s just for your kind rather than clogging up our inboxes”.

Of course these men were swiftly told were to go and blocked from my profile!

Then I had a message from Mike or a.k.a Vanilla Gorilla. We got chatting and he seemed lovely and completely unfazed by my disability (I later found this is because his parents were full time carers to disabled adults) and he seemed genuine but since he lived 80 miles away I blocked him! Luckily for me, my friends were far too involved in my love life and kept unblocking him and they became Mike’s cheerleaders.

Almost 7 years later the rest is history, because of Mike’s work we’re apart a lot still to this day but the point I’m trying to make is there are lots of “Mike’s” out there if you’re disabled and dating you’ll probably come across some of what I’ve told you but keep going – it will be well worth your time and effort!

LilPinkDuck & VanillaGorilla

L x

Quick Christmas Update

I’ve reread my last post; I was fairly fraught with nerves and anxiety wasn't I? Luckily I’ve calmed down a lot and it wasn’t depression, which I’m incredibly relieved about. It turns out one of my medications was making me a bit loopy and out of sorts! I attempted to go cold turkey but that only made things 10x harder so I’m back on the medication (a pain reliever) and coming off it slowly and carefully.

Although this now means I’m in more pain, I’d rather deal with that than cope with panic and anxiety attacks. I now have a real empathy for real depression sufferers, who deal with those horrible feelings and thoughts 24/7 and can’t see a light at the end of the tunnel. I also can see why drug addicts find cold turkey so hard and distressing.

Anyway, on a lighter note; It’s Christmas!! I’m in Hastings visiting Mike’s family and finally feeling festive; I’ve kind of missed all the build-up due to being so I’m my own little world but I’m looking forward to seeing our niece and enjoying the company, the food, TV and the presents!

I’m wishing all my readers a pain free, stress free Christmas, try to enjoy it all, saviour the build-up, the day and the winding down to the closing year, it will all go so fast that we’ll be in mid-January before we know it!
Much love and festive wishes
L x