Saturday, 14 July 2018

What James Achieved!

When you lose a baby, you're not just losing the child, you're losing the future you'd planned for them. You'll never hear them say, Mummy, you'll never take them to their first day at school, attend their graduation or give them away at their wedding. All the hopes and dreams that you had imagined for your child and yourself as a parent, disappear.

So today, on what should have been James' due date (14/07/2018), I wanted to write about what James has achieved. He may have only lived for 23 weeks and 5 days, all of which were inside me, but James has done so much.

Fundraising

When we announced we were pregnant, our loved ones were incredibly excited and when we lost James, they were devastated. We were inundated with cards, gifts and flowers. as beautiful and thoughtful as this was, if people wanted to spend money on us, we wanted it to mean something.

We requested that people donated to The Butterfly Suite at Southend University Hospital, the bereavement apartment where we had James. So far, over £1465 has been raised in James' name. From now on every Christmas and on his Birthday, Mike, our families, and I will continue to support this wonderful place and future bereaved parents.

The Butterfly Suite and the sign Mike made for them.

Mike and I

After 12 years, two houses, 1 wedding and countless drama in between, Mike and I were happy and solid in our relationship. But losing James has strengthed us as a couple. I've seen a new sensitive and open side to Michael (read more about that here) and now we talk about everything, no matter how hard. James has bought his Mummy and Daddy close together, ready to be awesome parents to his future siblings.

Bravery

Mike is scared of needles, but he wanted to get a tattoo in memoriam of his boy, so he did. A beautiful bear with the Ursa Minor constellation on his belly (where we've bought a star dedicated to James) and I will today, have a go at doing Instagram stories -something I keep putting off! We are being brave, because we've been through so much, we now feel like warriors.

Mikes tattoo

Appreciation

I've always been a glass half full kind of girl, this natural optimism was rocked when we lost James, my glass just felt empty. As the weeks have gone by, I've started to feel more like my old self. Of course, I'll never be the same, but my love for life has begun to return and I now appreciate Mike, my family, friends, my home and even my questionable health much more.

Less Stress

We all have stressful lives, there is always a to-do list on the go, another commitment to add to the diary and a bill to pay, but now that, in my opinion, I have experienced one of the worst things a human can go through, I am a lot less stressed. I take all the small irritants of life with a pinch of optimistic salt. James has saved me from a lifetime of worrying over the small stuff.

New Friends

I have a lot of wonderful friends and didn't need any more but in my grief, I sought out to meet and read about those who could completely understand what child loss feels like and those that could guide me through this hard and painful road.

If you want to follow any inspirational or kick arse bereaved parents here are are few;















______________________________

Even though we would give anything to have James back, celebrating his health and happy entry into the world today, I have to give thanks for the things James has achieved and given us. Whenever and however a woman gives birth, she is changed whether it has a good or bad outcome. No doubt James' passing will continue to teach Mike and I hard lessons, but I am proud of our boy - our first born and true love but I'm also proud of us.

L xxx

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Thank you for posting. Should you wish to contact me privately e-mail Lynsey_Ellard@hotmail.com