Toilet Habits

!Warning toilet habits discussed below, if you’re squeamish or eating your dinner, don’t continue reading!

Last month writer Sam Cleasby wrote a blog on being a woman suffering with an invisible illness, by invisible I mean she doesn’t have a wheelchair, white stick and she isn’t missing any limbs. Sam has ulcerative colitis, a condition that causes inflammation and ulceration of the inner lining of the rectum and colon.  

The condition is a nightmare where you are plagued with bouts of diarrhoea, excruciating pain in your bowels, weight loss, fatigue and anaemia just for starters. The condition then continues its war on a body, causing joint inflammation and pain, skin and mouth blisters, bone thinning which all could lead to sufferers having their bowels removed (or part of them) or at its very worse it could lead to cancer.  

There are similar conditions; Irritable Bowel Syndrome and Crohns disease but all three have varying levels of pain, symptoms and outcomes. Sadly I know people with all three.  

Sam’s blog piece was a letter, from Sam, telling a woman off for tutting at her, after she emerged from a disabled toilet, because the woman saw no wheelchair she assumed there wasn’t a disability.  

I’ve witnessed friends sob after they’ve not made it to the toilet in time, friends who have blushed when their condition causes a lot of breaking wind or when they’ve asked for room spray after a loo trip. These conditions have left my friends, at times, house bound, having to take days of work only for their boss to suggest they “buy a box of Imodium and get over it”. Like any of us with chronic conditions we need empathy and understanding, not sympathy and mocking.  

These day’s I try and accommodate my friends by leaving, wet wipes, air freshener and a product called Poopourri(<- click="" for="" information="" it="" nbsp="" of="" span="" this="" works="">in the bathroom and since my loo is situated off my kitchen/living room I always put music on to save embarrassment from any noises being heard.  

Due to my own conditions I’ve come closer to understanding as to what Sam and my friends go through. I have to take a lot of medication and the side effects are almost as dire as the pain itself.  

Up until recently I was taking up to 8 codeine tablets a day, these are great pain killers but caused my constipation to be so bad, that at it’s worse, I didn’t go to the toilet for 18 days . On day 17, I took a lot of laxatives desperate not to have to see my GP or A&E. Day 18 was horrendous, my guy Mike, had to hold me up on the loo for several hours as I passed out in pain, whilst I finally opened my bowels (brownie points for the boy though, he took it all in his stride, he didn’t mock me or suddenly go off me after it all!).  

For the next day or so I had to run back and forth to the loo at short notice, my butt was so sore, my legs numb from sitting on the loo and completely washed out from it all – I had a new view of what people go through. 

Invisible conditions like IBS, UC and Crohns disease are embarrassing for people, so I wanted to put my support out there. Don’t judge those who are governed by their toilet habits, don’t assume that an able bodied person coming out of a disabled loo isn’t in need or entitled to the privacy and invest in a few products to keep in your bathroom, many people are too embarrassed to ask but they’ll be incredibly thankful for your gestures!  

L x 

The Proposal!

With Valentine's Day almost upon us, I thought I'd share Mike and I's engagement story. I never got to write about it as my brain was fogged with drama and a heavy dose of codeine! So, for new followers, I'll recap how Mike and I met.

One of my best friends Leanne and I met in an unusual way. My pal Mike P started dating Leanne's buddy Lauren. Suddenly Leanne and I were relationship widows, so we formed a singles alliance built on road trips in Leanne's bright orange 1980's car and a diet of junk food, booze and self pity.

Leanne joined an online social and dating group, she convinced me to join too. I'd met my ex online but had been single for 18 months, although I signed up, I wasn't too fussed about being in a relationship again.

Then I met Mike aka VanillaGorilla and I was LilPinkDuck.. I fancied the pants off him but he lived 80miles away, neither of us drove and I couldn't travel on my own in the wheelchair, so I blocked his profile. Lucky for me, Leanne and even Lauren (who would come up for air occasionally!) kept unblocking Mike or Geology Boy, the nickname they had bestowed upon him.

And the rest, as they say, is history.

The Proposal

9 Years on, the boy and I have a mortgage, a merged DVD collection and have fended off countless questions of marriage and babies. I was very laid back about the whole thing, I know plenty of unmarried couples who are perfectly happy, but every time we'd go on holiday, I'd wonder whether he was going to propose . 3 trips to Australia, 4 to Spain, Ireland and an epic trip to New York later, my hand came back empty.

From day one, Mike had said that he'd want to get married and have two babies by the time we were 30, so when I turned 30 on June 5th of last year, I was a tad confused, none of these plans had materialised and yet we were still happily together.

A year before I turned 30, Mike and his family had booked a holiday to Disneyland Paris combined with a week in Bordeaux in June 2014. Off we went, to the land of fine foods, excellent wines and the happiest place in Europe - Disney!

Disney was amazing, no matter how old you are, the place gives you goose bumps and sore cheeks from all the smiling. On the second day there, Emma, Mike's sister, told us that she'd booked us in for dinner at Jules Verne, the restaurant inthe Eiffel Tower! I was beside myself with excitement, a trip to the centre of Paris with the best views in the entire city!

So, on June 19th Mike and I caught a (double decker!) train to Paris. I thought he was a tad moody, but put it down to him being tired. As we walked out of the train station, we were faced with the Arc de Triomphe, which is so much bigger than I realised. We started walking/rolling into town and there, in the distance, was the Eiffel Tower, the beacon of France, the monument of so many films and TV shows.

The tower was also a lot bigger than I had imagined, it was also majestic and more beautiful than I'd given it credit for. After dropping our stuff off at a hotel we headed for an early dinner.

My oh my! If you ever get the chance to go to the Jules Verne restaurant - GO! The food was simply exquisite, the service was second to none and the champagne flowed beautifully. I felt on top of the world. The France skyline surrounding us, with blue skies immerging - I felt so lucky, maybe too lucky and I have never been so full in my entire life!

After dinner we went back to the hotel so that Mike could change out of his suit and into his infamous Hawaiian shorts. I felt so full, I started to nap but begrudging left the hotel to make the most of Paris.

We had photos of all the views from the Eiffel Tower and none of the tower it's self, so we headed to the grassed garden surrounding the landmark.

There were hundreds of people doing selfies with the Tower. Coach trips, couples, friends and artists huddled together to get the perfect shots. We were no different, using Mike's gorilla pod fashioned into a make shift selfies stick.

We were about to leave when Mike said he had a gift for me, he handed me a package with his sisters address on the front. I opened the gift to find a pad lock with the words "Lynsey Ellard and Mike Garrick together in Paris". I was silly excited as I'd not had a chance to get a padlock made to attached to the famous locks of love bridge, which was on my bucket list.

Moment's before Mike asked

I hugged and kissed the boy, I was so thrilled he had been so thoughtful and romantic but then he told me to check the packaging again for another gift. I felt another padlock and read the words...

"Lynsey Ellard, I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with U! Will you marry me?"

I looked at Mike, back to the lock, back to Mike and to the lock once more.

I asked "Really??" Mike laughed, I giggled leapt at him at with a kiss then said "Of course I will...... and finally!!"

I was giddy with joy and Mike explained why he had forgone some of the proposal traditions. He said he was too scared to kneel down, as he was worried I'd keel over, sensible as I have trouble standing at the best of times. He hadn't chosen a ring, this was more my influence, I rarely wear jewellery so I thought it best that we chose it together.  If I was going to wear a ring my whole life - I'd have to love it!

Mike hadn't managed to ask my parents hand in marriage as he had flown in from California hours before we'd left for France, he phoned them straight after the proposal, luckily they said yes!

I spent the next hour calling friends and family (running up a £100+ bill!) although I couldn't get through to a lot of them with signal and overseas phone issues sadly.  Then I completed my very modern love story with a very modern announcement on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter, with the photo below I put the words...

The boy did good!

The ring we chose together

"What a locky girl I am! We're #engaged! The boy #proposed on a lock of love in front of the Eiffel Tower in Paris!"

A very ‘locky’ girl indeeed!  

L x

Feeling like a Red Balloon

Recently, I heard a joke about a red balloon and I thought it would be the perfect analogy to why I haven't blogged for 5 months. Like an old red balloon; I've felt let down, deflated a tad more wrinkled than I did last Summer. 

I've been very conscious that I didn't want to be/ or no longer be "social media martyr". I see competitive status' like "I've only had one/two/three hours sleep" or those who use their twitter feed to give us an hourly pain update, rated 1-10.  Worst of all, those who simply change their status to "I'm so happy/angry/sad" and when asked why, they refuse to answer - why put up a post that you're not willing to elaborate on to a SOCIAL MEDIA platform?

I fess up, I have done some of the above but after watching rather than posting online, I've seen how irritating and depressing it becomes for those reading. Don't get me wrong, we all need a moan or a venting session, it's nice to know there are others in the same situation or those giving you great advice, but do we need to post one the hour of every hour?

The last 8 years of my life have been dominated by 4 court cases (which by the way, I was not the criminal in any way, but I was the one mopping up the aftermath!) including family, criminal and Will & probate cases. It might have been easier to take a law degree! I've neglected my own goals, charity work and not to mention my family and friends. If I posted every time I was in pain, stressed, panicked I would have zero friends or followers!

All the events been exhausting and a few months back I decided to have hypnotherapy, it works very well on me from previous experience, and this time it really helped. So a long story short, the hypnotherapy worked and the cure was realising that I have forgotten to be optimistic, happy and grateful.

So how do you see the positive's in trauma? Well, I have gone back to seeing the bright side; what can I learn from all the cases? In my newly refreshed brain, I see that it has all been life experience; I will make sure I correctly file my Will and last testament, I will follow my instincts rather than fobbing off my opinions. I now know who my really friends are and I've learnt who only befriended me for their own gain and my useful resources - physical, mental or material. 

If nothing else, my memoirs will be an interesting read - split into several volumes!

Bear with me guys!

L xxx